pkin-j

I have a choice to live life as either an entitlement or a gift. The gift is much more fun than the entitlement. An entitlement seems to require that there is a certain requirement for such entitlement otherwise the entitlement would cease to exist. now this begs the question about memory and where memory fits in in terms of certain things. I would argue that memory gives us a certain survival disadvantage ONCE we reach a certain "point". A point of no return if you will. Certainly the memory works to its advantage to a point, and then it turns us around and fucks us in the ass willfully and skillfully. Leaving no flesh bare to rampage. Memory is as time and is unforgiving.

Either way and whatever. I'm tired of being negative. It just isnt' any fun. Why be negative when you can be positive? I think that's the most simple question when it comes down to anything. I've proven for myself that in a dire bad situation, my dad having alzheimer's, that it's possible to find enjoyment out of it. Possible to find positivity out of it. And it feels almost a little "wrong" but it's almost like, so what, another one bites the dust, let me just remember the fantastic moments we had together AND MORE IMPORTANTLY let me forge new moments with others to share. Because at the end of the day, the newborns don't have any experience with the diers. Maybe that's why they're happy. And without knowing the dying, we're able to love our lives. Unless we're able to love the dying until they're gone. To the moment and then past that moment. Love them once. Love them always. Love them in death. But that definitely, certainly, importantly and not questionably means DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME MOURNING THEM! In life or in death. They are "beings". And beings are subject to things we don't fully understand including death. So let them die. Whenever it is they die. They are dead. And dead is not life. So let them die and do not hold yourself accountable for any of it. It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done. They are dead and they were going to die, no matter what. So fuck it. And live. Live what you got. Because you don't know how long it is until you're the poor mother fucker who's dying. And who knows? Maybe once you're dead, it's great. But honestly, could it really be any worse than you can imagine? Worst case is you've drunk yourself into oblivion and you just can't remember a thing. I'm sure it's the same way with death. And you know what? You'll nerver know. So live.