How do you know when?
How do you know when?
How do you know period?
Especially if you're a perfectionist. Or at least if you've been told you're a perfectionist because you can't fathom the idea of being perfect. I don't think a real perfectionist strives to be "perfect". Maybe this is semantics, but many people have told me I'm a perfectionist. I don't consider myself a perfectionist. My qualm is inherently perfectly imperfect. So perhaps I'm an imperfectionist. Despite knowing I can never be "perfect", that nothing "perfect" exists, except the imperfection of everything which is perfectly imperfect. The flaw of perfectionism stems from some belief that what God does is perfect. While I'll say it's magnificient and beautiful and awe-inspiring and the like, it's far from perfect. By his simple admission. If every thing else is perfect, we humans are imperfect. Therefore, God is imperfect by definition of everything we understand about him. Sure, he gave us free will, but that's his fault then. Regardless, I don't really view the world in this way. In some humanistic god who confers things in a way that humans might. To be honest, I don't understand god. Nor will I ever. So I'll stop trying. And we all might benefit if we cease applying humanistic rules to a god who is by definition inhuman.
So how do when know when to do what's best? what's right? What's the thing to do...
I don't really know except that it comes down to a "gut instinct". I've been faced with decisions that seemed equally as appealing as others but eventually the ones that have worked out the best for me are the ones where I just had this feeling of "dude, go for it." In most cases, most people thought the decision I was making was solid. In some cases, people thought it wasn't. However, I've found that the best decisions I've made were when other people were most unsure. That means it takes the greatest leap of faith. Perhaps this is just me. Maybe this is why I'm a "good investor". Maybe my gut feeling indicator is just a little sharper than the next guy. When I proposed to my wife, I had a range of mixed reactions. In some cases, I think it exposed those people's insecurities. In other cases, maybe they really thought we were a bad match. But in hindsight those opinions were just plain off. Nothing has brought me as much joy in my life as my marriage. It's something I couldn't even have fathomed six years ago. It isn't even just the marriage to a person. The marriage to a family is more than I could have ever wished for. I love my blood family for being my family. But I've had certain needs that weren't fulfilled there. And in some ways were maybe neglected. I cringe to say this because I don't want any of them to feel inadequate. It isn't a matter of blame or not. It's a matter of "love development". My family simply doesn't have an abundance of true, natural, abundant love. I suppose many or most do not. My married family does. Where they may fall short on financial wealth, they more than overcompensate on love and decency. The wealth in that is so unattainable from a financial aspect that they can never be compared. You either have or you have not. And the discerning eye is able to see the value in this despite financial value. Real value is in love and decency. Not in material and status. And herein lies the message of every prophet of God that I can imagine, in any denomination. Messages of real love and real understanding of people. It's a way of living life on earth. The problem with religion itself is that it regrettably created an achievement framework for people to latch on to. If you do this that or the other thing you will be rewarded post death. You know what? I don't know what death will bring. I have some certain beliefs, but they are largely irrelevant. Hopefully, if i make proper decisions. If I do my best to live my life lovefully and faithfully, then I will mitigate the risk that takes my life earlier than is possible. And if I get there, if I have fortunately lived and loved an abundantly lengthy life, then hopefully I have found a way to enrich my life and others through compassionate co-living and loving with them. If there is gravy at the end of this whole thing, then excellent. I believe there is. Can I prove it? No. Can I be assured of it? No. Can I believe in it? Yeah, I think so. I think there's enough evidence to trust in it. But what's my downside in not? For me, personally, none that I can think of. Because everything that leads me to joy in death is joy in life. And joy in life I can bet on. I can invest in joy on earth.
It may seem hypocritical to hear about a guy who's looking at moving into a 9500 square foot house as relishing immateriality. I don't have an answer of reconciliation for naysayers. In some ways I agree. Perhaps I'm full of shit. But for me, this is a motivation to make sure I share my abundance with as many others as possible. Freely, openly, and lovingly. I don't know what else to say about that.
Joy.