The Peakin

Over the past couple weeks, I've been importing the video project "Dad: Living and Loving Alzheimer's" onto my desktop. Recently I watched between 1/2 and 5/8 of a sixty minute tape.

(Stop thinking in round 5 increments. Move on to eighths.)

The tape I watched was from about this date in June 2007. Dad was staying with me in Manhattan and we were at "The Treehouse", but more plainly known as "The Studio". Curt was in attendance too for most of it. That was a funny interesting day. Without giving away too many details, only Alzheimer's could explain it. The Alzheimer Sausage.

Anyway, Hanni told me I am thinking of things nobody else is thinking. I offered to show him some footage of this tape. He expressed tepid interest. I pressed. I asked, what's the most you have time for? And I answered: "Two hours?" Supported by "I have 30 hours of footage....."

He said: "Uh, yes Rich. I'd like to see something. Definitely no longer than two hours."

I believe my power of suggestion overcame him tonight.

So I plan to produce a one hour program. Unless I'm compelled to convince myself to run over the one hour hurdle and reasonably assured by counsel. For Hanni. I think he's in for a trip.

The beauty is, the trip can always change. The trip will absolutely change. Even if it's simply sequenced.

Perhaps I can go back and categorize each distinct moment captured on tape. We can quantify all moments that were captured on tape since 1989 or 1990. Then the Alzheimer Filter plays a specified sequence of these numbered moments. Most of the captured moments will be in earlier years of life. That's because it was all so new and unexperienced. What would it like to experience everything fresh and new again? What if you were enlightened to appreciate those experiences?

Would that be like having Alzheimer's? Is it like being a 5 year old?

Given the acceptance of free expression, he was having an uninhibited blast. The only catch is the person catching you has to journey with you and not just watch, be stuck in the past; stuck at the moment they found out you had Alzheimer's, stuck at the fear and contempt.

But should they accept it. Be aware of their hostility toward it. To believe in the opportunity of every thing. To see this as an opportunity to live and love no matter what the human condition.

So I follow him down Daisy Red Lane.

Posted by F.Newara at 12:35 AM | Permalink

Last night after discussing the books he's publishing imminently, Hanni said, "Don't worry Rich; you'll be published soon."

I'm still digesting

Posted by F.Newara at 05:27 PM | Permalink

I promise to keep on learning. To keep on striving to be the best dad in the whole wide world. And I'll hope not to judge my fatherhood on other fathers but rather on the father you and I want me to be.

I promise to refrain from the things that endanger my life and consequently your spirits.

I promise to shape up.

I promise to live and love life because that's the way I'll want you to do it.

But I'll always be there and support you in the way that feels right for you.

Posted by F.Newara at 12:05 AM | Permalink

Create a trilogy of movies whereby each installation simulates one of the three major stages of the disease:

1) Moderate
2) Mild
4) Severe

We accomplish this task as follows:

1) Severe (Pop Pop)
2) Mild (Me)
4) Moderate (Dad)

Each installation is a compilation and presentation of selected videos, photos, and other necessary media as produced by the "Alzheimer's filter".

I have debated a fourth volume reflecting my beliefs in the heavens and death particularly as it pertains to answering the question: "Why?"

One visual I had recently is:

Looking out as Dad's eyes, seeing the events occurring in front of me, then having the focus shift so that that clear vision becomes impaired similarly to walking back from a hole in a fence, revealing something else entirely.

Posted by F.Newara at 11:53 PM | Permalink

I state the Pkins are an example of a "Giffen Good", which as the first paragraph of Wikipedia goes is:

"In economics and consumer theory, a Giffen good is one which people consume more of as price rises, violating the law of demand. In normal situations, as the price of such a good rises, the substitution effect causes people to purchase less of it and more of substitute goods. In the Giffen good situation, cheaper close substitutes are not available. Because of the lack of substitutes, the income effect dominates, leading people to buy more of the good, even as its price rises."

Today I assume the Pkins have no value based on the zero hit rate or counter-offers for the auctions on:

www.threadingvalue.com/pkinauction

Presumably the retain some intrinsic value as I offered them at prices greater than zero. However, this presumption rests on me making sound, rational intrinsic value judgments.

So either I have a value system unidentifiable to others rectifiable in no current valuation circumstances or my valuation parameters and assumptions are enormously out of market but flexibility is possible for negotiated value.

Because I can not extract financial value out of the Pkins and at best case I would sell them for an upfront payment of maybe $1 million with significant royalties, they are a cost. They take up a few cubic feet in my Manhattan apartment. And in a closet which is the highest cost/sq ft. They cost me something around $1500-$2000 a year of storage cost. The more I create, the more cost they require. The longer I hold on to what is inevitably financial valueless trash, the more cost I bear. But the more I want to hold on to them for the fleating hope that they are not trash.

The hope exists because:
"They are trash. Today.
But tomorrow they need not be trash,
If faith is true."

I'm holding on to Giffen Goods in quantity. Currently there are probably ~700 Pkins. (Un)fortunately they are not expanding very rapidly anymore.

Posted by F.Newara at 06:59 PM | Permalink