First Half
Somehow I want to start the entry differently than normal. Maybe it's a fear on some level. Maybe it's a reflection of how clearly I'm feeling messed up over the dad situation lately.
For the most part recently, I am feeling relief. And guilt for feeling relief. And I'm not overwhelmed by the grief. And it definitely feels guilty... when I feel it. But when I'm not feeling the guilt, I'm feeling good.
This entire month I've been wanting to go see dad. But at the same time, very hesitant. Whatever. I don't even feel like writing about it. We went. We watched basketball. He was happy to see us. It was nice.